the worst all-dayer | telford | 1986

telford has an ice rink you know.
it was built in the early to mid eighties and to this day i can't imagine anyone going.
i presume that telford probably has an ice hockey team or somesuch too.
a couple of friends have been and said they'd never go again.
they appeared to find skating round and round in circles a bit boring.
i could probably have told them that and saved them the entry fee.

however, one day i went to telford ice rink.
there was a, excuse me, "punk all-dayer" going on.
yes.
you read right.
it was, if i remember correctly, late summer 86 and even back then the line up didn't fill me with enthusiasm.
but stuff like this didn't happen in telford and so i went along.
getting off the bus at telford town centre it seemed like every neo-goth/punk/grebo in the midlands had gone along.
frankly i found it a little bit frightening.
i didn't know anyone else that was going, it was a hot saturday afternoon, hundreds of strangers on their best pixie boots and studded belts were looking at me through cider-filled sunglasses and i was very conscious of not really liking new model army.

new model army were to be the headline act.
below them were red lorry yellow lorry, alternative radio (NOT TV - shame), a couple of local bands whose names have disappeared in the mists of time, joolz "the punk poetess" (cough) and, of all people, the bible!

having been rather afraid and lonely during most of the day there was a moment i remember feeling part of the event.
it was the moment the entire audience groaned, shrugged and then gritted it's teeth as joolz launched into yet another diatribe on anarcho-feminism (accompanied i'm sure by a beardy bloke with a bongo - crass have A LOT to answer for).



after joolz anything would feel refreshing, and indeed i quite enjoyed red lorry yellow lorry.
they were a bit lumpen and tuneless but i bought an album by them so they must have done something OK.

by this point i was feeling a little bit more comfortable in the cold goth-strewn ice rink and had a wander about.
i saw a couple of girls i knew and said hello.
both (seperately) gave me exactly the same half arsed "oh hi" as they swooshed their heavily back-combed hair and clung on to their older, drunker boyfriends.



that was the beginning of feeling the need to sink back to a corner and observe.
but the worst was to come.
the bible! came on.
in amongst all these depresso-goth-punk acts the bible! to me and me alone sounded great.
uplifting chiming guitars, tunes you could hum, i went to the front of the stage and applauded.
looking over my shoulder i realised that as i had moved forward the rest of the gathered throng had moved to the bar to wait for the band to finish.
i was alone.
but i really enjoyed the bible!
as soon as theyd finished i sheepishly left and went home.
that week i bought the bible!'s "walking the ghost back home" and it just wasn't the same.
it sounded middle of the road, something your mum might enjoy.
the brass was too shiny, the lyrics to self-righteous.
a shame really as they were the only bright point in a very dark day.